Addiction: “physical or psychological dependence on psychoactive substances.” So says the dictionary. When beginning to volunteer with a population with addiction concerns, its tempting to generalize ‘dependent’ to describe the character of people with addiction – after all, many people with addictions are in need of food and housing support. However, I discovered at Beauty Night just how incorrect the generalization of dependence is.
Beauty Night provides beauty and wellness services to women in the downtown eastside, “building self-esteem and changing lives.” One night I was chatting with women as they waited for haircuts. Darlene seemed particularly nervous about her haircut and we chatted on a range of topics. Towards the end of the night, she finally told me the great significance of her hair cut: while she was a child, her mother was physically abusive to her little sister, holding her down by the hair. She told me how her sister had cut her hair really short to keep safe from their mother, and how she cut her hair too to show support for her sister. As Darlene shuffled away from me towards the darkness outside, she shrugged and said, “Everything starts as an idea…everything starts as an idea.”
Despite her limited resources, Darlene had empowered herself to support her sister with the only resource she could, her own hair. It was one thing to recognize what she could do, and another to follow through and do it – I’m inspired by Darlene’s courage and generosity. Such courage and generosity is prevalent among the women at Beauty Night. One woman told me how she gives away part of her annual food hamper as Christmas presents, and another about how she writes poetry to fund raise for the community. Another women keeps in contact with youths she used to nanny and provides a safe refuge for them to flee to at night.
So what are women in the DTES dependent on? What do they want from aid organizations? Insight about these questions came from one women who was furious because she felt she’d been skipped in the line-up. My first thought was to try to explain to her how she’d just misinterpreted the sign-up sheet, yet part of me knew it’d be futile – I’d spoken with this woman earlier and guessed she had a mental disability; she was unlikely to understand the mix up, especially while on the verge of throwing a tantrum. As I stood paralysed in dilemma, the coordinator of the event, Caroline, noticed the woman’s distress: Caroline walked up to her, put a hand on her shoulder and asked what wrong. And then Caroline simply said “I’m sorry.” The woman paused for a minute, then in a softer voice repeated her concern. Caroline again said “I’m sorry.” No excuses. No rationalization. No judgement. Simply empathizing and taking ownership. This respect was what the woman needed.
I’ve learned from Beauty Night that the services themselves are less important than how the women are treated in the process – they’re treated like they’re competent to make choices, have a right to want things a certain way, and are independent decision makers. People may become dependent on substances but they continue to maintain and cherish independence in other areas of their lives. As Darlene said, everything starts as an idea. Ideas worth respecting come even from unexpected people in unexpected places. The women of the downtown eastside have ideas to be heard and to inspire us. Ideas they’re not afraid to act on.
What’s your idea and what’s stopping you from doing it?
This story has been written by Julia Pon.
